The day is almost over for March 10th. I always write in a journal on this date and write what’s currently going on in my life. This day has always been a huge mile marker for me in so many ways. It’s hard to believe what I’m about to tell you because I’m usually always so chipper and happy. When I was much younger I struggled with depression and “310” was the day I had chosen to end things. The date in general means something to me, but I won’t get into that. In high school, my drama teacher and principal went to my parents and told them that they were concerned about me. They thought I was going to kill myself. So my parents did what any good parent would do, they sent me to a Christian psychologist. When I first got there I told they guy, “I’m not going to talk to you, so we’re both wasting each others’ time.” He told me me, “Well, your parents are paying good money for you to be in here, so you might as well talk to me.” And he started to ask general questions. It was enough to open up a bit and then as time went on I opened up more. I was put on Celexa, which created a weird feeling. This is how I explained it to my psychologist, “I’m so sad and I want to cry, but I can’t. It feels like I’m a dark hole and the medicine is like pure happiness being poured in, but you still want to cry and can’t.” When my psychologist knew what 310 meant to me, he wanted to place me in a facility in TX where staff watched over people my age to make sure they wouldn’t do anything to themselves. It’s because 310 was soon approaching. I was shocked and scared because I didn’t want to move to TX. So I promised my psychologist I wouldn’t do anything and I agreed to meet him on 310, which was actually his day off. We talked and discussed things and I got through the day. After I got through that day I saw my psychologist a bit more, but I decided I wasn’t going to see him and to stop taking my medication as well. I had a few extremely sad moments after that, but I made it through each one. My ex, James, passing away was one of them. I even faced the ultimate of all ultimate awful situations in life. My first boyfriend and true love died while I was in college and my parents didn’t tell me until after his funeral. 310 signifies Steven so I’m sure you’re catching on a bit. They weren’t sure what I would do in general, so they told me after it had happened. They saw his parents and told them that they hadn’t told me yet and was going to wait until afterwards. At the time I was furious, but as I look back on it I probably would have tried to end things again. I was in deep depression again when he passed away. I used to be the happiest, cleanest roommate in college, but after he passed away I didn’t even want to get out of bed. As with everything in life, time heals things. To this day I still visit his grave when I’m in Arkansas, but I’ve learned to keep going in life. No matter what happens, we all have to keep going and time will always help heal feelings and situations. I don’t really have the perfect Bible verse for my words of wisdom, but just know that God made us all and He will help us get through anything and that time really does heal. He’s in control of everything and He won’t give us more than we can handle. We’ve got the strength inside us all to keep going.
Since that day, I traveled to New Zealand, got a Bachelor of Science degree in Marketing and another one in Business Management in Florida, I’ve worked for Dillard’s Corporate Headquarters, an International swim toy company, and now I’m the National Internet Marketing Director for New American Mortgage. I’m currently traveling the states teaching others how to market their business online. I’ve come a long way since that day 11 years ago and I’m never looking back, only to reflect on how far I’ve come.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. II Peter 3:18
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4
And the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass. Revelation 21:21
And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. Revelation 21:23
